Heldlow

I open my eyes, they are dry, they always are, open my mouth and it is dry too. I just had good 8 hours of sleep, sleep full of nightmares. I am starving again, well not "again", I am always starving no matter how much I eat. Food tastes like paper, any kind, all food is like garbage in my mouth.

Water gives me a few seconds of relief, but to few as it seems to evaporate in my throat. Colors don't shine or sparkle and are barely different... All seem greyish and pale. Shadows overcast themselves at all corners, day has little difference from night.

I can barely walk and my spirit is weak, it has almost surrended, my will has faded in the tears of madness and laughs of nonsense. Sounds are either barely perceptible or so loud they make my ears bleed.

I walk a few steps to my broken mirror. It casts a reflexion on my eyes like if it were my soul, broken and set apart. I comb my hair with my hand, spit on it to hold my hair thight. I dress again, this clothes irritate my skin leaving it sore and itchy. I walk through the door.

Two steps and doesn't matter. I am attacked by two men and I am only able to mumble... Thank you. A hit in the head, I'm unconcious, really not much less concious than before.

Universes I

God, is everywhere, in you, in me... By the rocks, everywhere... Not even the slightest piece of existence is lacking God. All is him, him is all. Time, space, matter and energy are one of his manifestation, void, eternity, infinite other ones. Movement and stillness, fluctuation and calmness you can't speak, think or imagine anything that isn't God.

Omnipotence is not, if it is limited by something including itself, that doesn't mean it is a raw unrefined force, quite the contrary is the most powerful yet more sublte thing in existance, for it is as we already talk an aspect of it, or a way to see it. And to say it is something I am not trying to define it because it is undefinable, I am just trying to put it in a way that we can speak of it. It is not bound to the limits of existance either for that would also be a limit, it is then also not existance, both and neither.

I was talking with a friend (who almost finishes his degree in physics) that questions about time, space, matter and energy are doomed to be confined in our mind spectrum inside the universe's territory. How do we compare how are we able to say that something exists? The implicit way, the uncouncious way is to compare it to nothing (with the numbers is the equivalent of knowing that the 0 is everywhere, adding or substracting itself from any numer) . We know that something exists because there are an infinite number of things that do not.

Infinity then is the same thing as non existance, infinite universes is the same thing as no universes at all. If you have a blank page and start writting endlessly on it, it will turn black. It is the same with a different quality.

Infinite recursion, or the eternal return explain this same thing in the dimension of time. If everything that is possible and unpossible (yeap, I am Ralph Wiggum) (for posibilities are created inside the universes, outside this word completely lacks sense) posible and imposible are related to cause and effect this are related to time. Where there is no time or all times are toghether possibilities do not make sense.

Speaking of what is inside our realm is at least irracional when dealing outside. What was time before the Big Bang? What caused it to happen? In where is it in expansion? Nonsense. But be not fooled by this, if you find it irracional or ilogical is because your mind is not used to think in this way, may be it is not able to handle this. It will bring you to a mental breakdown, madness or the good Nirvana.

Buddha said things were impermanent, Nirvana means extintion, where was the flame before it was lit, where is it know that is not here? But I say nothing ever happens how can it be impermanent. Or that everything is always thus it is permanent. Everything happens all the times in an infinite ways of happening. Nothing is gone and nothing has come. This of course speaking of the big picture. Zen negations are used to negate what it isn't to help us realize what it is, but if everything is negating anything is misleading. Of course I understand (well I think I do) why is that, and it is the only way it could be done.

Size also speaks of perception not of reality, some string theories, say that the 10th dimension is contained in the first one recursivity, so it is in fact (if this is true) a self contained totallity in which the biggest is inside the smallest, vibrating chords that make the subatomical particles are the theoretical 10th dimension in which all the other 9 are contained.